Also I wanted to give you a tour of the area i am living and a glimpse at one of the things i worked on while with my friends in Burtigny.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Euro Update # 3: Update from Geneva and the hills of Switzerland
My two friends who invited me to come stay at the YWAM base here in Burtigny took me on a Reformation Tour of Geneva. For those who are aware, Geneva was home to a while for John Calvin! Here is a little clip of that:
Also I wanted to give you a tour of the area i am living and a glimpse at one of the things i worked on while with my friends in Burtigny.
Also I wanted to give you a tour of the area i am living and a glimpse at one of the things i worked on while with my friends in Burtigny.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
This is why I am alive...
Since coming to Burtigny, Switzerland Jesus has done a real work in my heart. When I first arrived I knew that this was a place I wouldn't be too long, and that is was a time of transition. Transitions can lead to time wasted, at least for me. You are done with the previous thing, but the next thing hasn't happened yet. I knew that I didn't want this time to be wasted. There have been some things to do as I have been able to help out around the base with laundry, and helping out on a building project, but other than that the base is in between their schools that they run and so there is not a lot going on. One thing I knew that I wanted to do was catch up on IHOP's Onething '11 conference that happened over the new year. As I watched, the theme of it was "Jesus, Our Magnificent Obsession". The worship and sermons I was listening to really started to stir this theme in my heart. (You can still watch the web stream of the conference at the IHOP website.)
As I thought about how to not waste my time during this transition, I realized that when I die, God will never rebuke me for spending too much time with him and not enough time out doing "practical stuff". In fact, I think it will be quite the opposite with commandment two's tendency to overtake commandment one. Anyway, I realized that if I am spending my day with the Lord, then the time will not be wasted, what's more, I will actually be fulfilling the reason the Lord sent on this adventure in the first place. (to clarify, practical stuff is not bad or less spiritual, I just always spend 90-95% of my day doing the practical and the other 5-10% for the Lord)
You may recall, that when the Lord first spoke to me about coming to Europe, he told me that the reason I was going was so that I would know him, and that that was what I was born for. So, as I have spent time praying, worshiping, reading, just hanging out, etc.. he has begun to set a fire in me...well actually, to be more accurate, he has begun to re-kindle and old one. What he is doing in my heart is literally summed up in this song which became the anthem of my time in YWAM Kona doing the School of the Circuit Riders this past summer. You NEED to hear this song!!!!!!
I think that I forgot a lot of the stuff from this summer like the joy of complete abandonment to Him, having missions and vocation all dim and pale in the light of simply just getting to spend time with the Lord....this is the reason I am alive. It is the reason we all are alive, whether we want to acknowledge that or not. Simply to know him, to gaze upon his beauty, to dwell in his presence, well...basically Psalm 27:4
Jesus has especially been using the these two lines of the song, the first:
"For you alone will be exalted in that day, and worthless goals will be exposed as idols that we made."
I don't know if you got hit with the wave of conviction that crashed into me after I heard that line...wow. Maybe even take a pause to dialog with God about that one right now if it stirred something in you, whether conviction or defensiveness/criticism. No need to argue with me, ask Jesus if it is true in your life. He sees your motives...often even better than you see them.
The second line is this:
"Put me anywhere, just put your glory in me. I'll serve anywhere, just let me see your beauty."
God has used it to remind me that while we should definitely seek to walk out vocation and location in obedience, and that they do matter, they are a far cry from the point or focus of our lives. This is funny to hear because usually we are told that these are the focus! He is developing in me the heart that says, "You want me to go there? That's fine, but i get you, right? I get to spend more time with you, and get more revelation of you your love, right? You want me to serve there? That's cool, but your going to be there, right?"
It's this stealing of our gaze, despite the circumstances, that happens as we spend time with him. Our life is not our own. We were bought at a price. But it is impossible to live in that kind of surrender without constantly tasting and seeing that he is good. Sometimes it comes in feelings, manifestations, or from simply reading who the Word says he is and believing it. But we need daily reminders, just like Israel who would go on complain and forget God's character just 3 days after they were radically saved by the Red Sea parting! Let us press in to live lives of simple devotion to the only One found worthy of it.
As I thought about how to not waste my time during this transition, I realized that when I die, God will never rebuke me for spending too much time with him and not enough time out doing "practical stuff". In fact, I think it will be quite the opposite with commandment two's tendency to overtake commandment one. Anyway, I realized that if I am spending my day with the Lord, then the time will not be wasted, what's more, I will actually be fulfilling the reason the Lord sent on this adventure in the first place. (to clarify, practical stuff is not bad or less spiritual, I just always spend 90-95% of my day doing the practical and the other 5-10% for the Lord)
You may recall, that when the Lord first spoke to me about coming to Europe, he told me that the reason I was going was so that I would know him, and that that was what I was born for. So, as I have spent time praying, worshiping, reading, just hanging out, etc.. he has begun to set a fire in me...well actually, to be more accurate, he has begun to re-kindle and old one. What he is doing in my heart is literally summed up in this song which became the anthem of my time in YWAM Kona doing the School of the Circuit Riders this past summer. You NEED to hear this song!!!!!!
All is for Your Glory - Cory Asbury
I think that I forgot a lot of the stuff from this summer like the joy of complete abandonment to Him, having missions and vocation all dim and pale in the light of simply just getting to spend time with the Lord....this is the reason I am alive. It is the reason we all are alive, whether we want to acknowledge that or not. Simply to know him, to gaze upon his beauty, to dwell in his presence, well...basically Psalm 27:4
Jesus has especially been using the these two lines of the song, the first:
"For you alone will be exalted in that day, and worthless goals will be exposed as idols that we made."
I don't know if you got hit with the wave of conviction that crashed into me after I heard that line...wow. Maybe even take a pause to dialog with God about that one right now if it stirred something in you, whether conviction or defensiveness/criticism. No need to argue with me, ask Jesus if it is true in your life. He sees your motives...often even better than you see them.
The second line is this:
"Put me anywhere, just put your glory in me. I'll serve anywhere, just let me see your beauty."
God has used it to remind me that while we should definitely seek to walk out vocation and location in obedience, and that they do matter, they are a far cry from the point or focus of our lives. This is funny to hear because usually we are told that these are the focus! He is developing in me the heart that says, "You want me to go there? That's fine, but i get you, right? I get to spend more time with you, and get more revelation of you your love, right? You want me to serve there? That's cool, but your going to be there, right?"
It's this stealing of our gaze, despite the circumstances, that happens as we spend time with him. Our life is not our own. We were bought at a price. But it is impossible to live in that kind of surrender without constantly tasting and seeing that he is good. Sometimes it comes in feelings, manifestations, or from simply reading who the Word says he is and believing it. But we need daily reminders, just like Israel who would go on complain and forget God's character just 3 days after they were radically saved by the Red Sea parting! Let us press in to live lives of simple devotion to the only One found worthy of it.
Only One Found Worthy - Brandon Hampton/Misty Edwards
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
A Recap of My European Adventure Thus Far...
Greetings all those I love and miss! Just wanted to send out an update from my time thus far in Europe as things have changed a bit :) It's a long one so read when you have some time.
Recap of the Last 4 months:
I moved to London on Sept. 15th 2011 a word of the Lord given in August of 2010. I moved for an undetermined amount of time with the only reason for my going was I was going so that I would know Him even more. He told me that I was to go and not ask for anything but to pray for everything. Before I left i was given a total of $1000. So I left with that, a ticket, a passport, and two suitcases intending to stay at least until the Olympics in the summer of 2012. This of course is impossible. You can't live in London for even a month on $1000 and tourist visas only last 6 months max. But an impossible situation is usually a set up for a miracle or a series of miracles!
When I arrived in London I knew two people in the city and they graciously let me stay in their living room until i got my feet on the ground. I dealt with loneliness and homesickness immediately but knew that i had two options, i could either sulk or i could worship in spite of my circumstances. I found a church that met on Friday nights called Kingdom Faith London, and they quickly welcomed me in and became a life line to me in the city. Also the Panes', the parents of the two people i was living with, live on the southern coast of England in the country in a beautiful house. I went to visit and they are now like a second family to me here. They told me i was welcome to come anytime and thus their place became my retreat center from city life from time to time.
Within the first few weeks my money was running low and i became really stingy. I would pass the poor and starving on the streets but would tell God that I couldn't help them because I was poor too! Also when i would go out for meals with people I wouldn't order anything and people would just end up feeling sorry for me or something and buy me my lunch. Then the Lord really convicted me that this was not the Kingdom. He gently rebuked me and said, What you are trying to do is impossible whether you are stingy or wildly generous...so why not be a blessing if you have to choose one of the two. I repented and started to live generously and this felt so right and was actually kind of exciting and fun! And it was right as i made that switch that the provision started to come in! I only had enough money for a month at most and I have lived there for over three and a half! It would take too long to tell of each story of God's provision but here are a few to give you an idea.
How I have spent my time:
I have been interning on a worship initiative for the Olympics called London's Burning (see promo video http://www.londonsburning2012.
Current Happenings and Whereabouts:
Over Christmas I got a real treat! Two of my good friends Hannah and Alison came to visit me for the holidays! We had a great time in London seeing the sights, then headed down to the Southern Coast to have Christmas with the Panes family in Dorset. Now, at the end of December my visa was going to expire so I had to leave the country and then come back in to renew it. So after Christmas we flew to Malaga, Spain on the coast of the Mediterranean. Had a restful time there and then flew back to the UK.
Now when I checked in late Oct. the visa laws said that if you were just volunteering you could enter the country just like a tourist so long as you didn't receive any money. I felt like i should be honest about my time in the UK and so I told them that I was just going to volunteer, gave them all the necessary paperwork and expected to walk in right after Hannah and Alison...but I didn't. Unbeknownst to me, in Nov. the visa law had changed so that even if you were volunteering, you had to have a work visa. I supposed I should have checked it again but it also didn't occur to me that it would change. So I was denied entry into the UK. My heart sank.
The rule is you have to be sent from where you flew in from so I was booked a one-way back to Malaga. The only problem was, the earliest flight was the next morning. They told me i wasn't a prisoner but the had to keep me in custody and they had nowhere else to put me so I spent New Year's Eve in a high security detention center for international criminals. It was so surreal. I was having a hard time processing what was happening. The next day I was shipped to Malaga. One side note was I told the girls to grab my bag for me but because they took it beyond a certain point to wait for me (i didn't think of this) they were not able to get my bag back to me, so I arrived in Malaga with no money left, the clothes on my back, my computer that didn't work in the airport, and my Bible and journal. I had no idea what to do.
After some thought I felt that I should email my parents and let them know and ask them what to do because any money I spent from that point on would be theirs because even though God had provided everything I needed up until that point, it looked like he had failed (later I would go on to remember that neither His character nor faithfulness are determined by our circumstance, but are determined by His Word...and the Word says that He is flawless.)
Doubt hit me really hard as I emailed my parents, doubt about my calling, and my ability to hear God, and about His provision. I told my parents it was their call what I did because it was their money. I assumed that they would have me come back (which i was secretly hoping because it would mean comfort, familiarity, and friends/family and the fact that i just really missed home.) But they replied that they believed in me and that I should stick it out and that they would help pay for whatever i needed! I was shocked. Not because they aren't generous (they are some of the most generous i know!) but because I thought i had failed and everyone would see that. It was the most encouraging thing to hear that in spite of everything, they still believed in me and in my calling to the UK!
So after that boost, i prayed about what i should do. I felt that I was supposed to try again to get back into the UK and that I was to book a flight that night and that this time I would get in. Struggling, I pushed aside my many doubts and bought the ticket and was headed back to the UK. Once at the border again, I explained that I was just visiting and really just wanted to get my bags and say goodbye to my two friends. They saw the black X on my passport and started to grill me. I told them that i really wasn't that desperate to volunteer and that i wouldn't do any, i just wanted to grab my bags and go, but they said that while they weren't calling me a liar, it was still possible for me to quickly to volunteer at the church...so i was denied again. I was shattered.
I could have sworn that I heard God say go back! So once again I was shipped back to Malaga, this time, thankfully, bypassing the detention center. I arrived, exhausted, broken, humbled, discouraged, and doubting more than ever that I could hear God's voice. I didn't know what to do next but I decided that I would check into a hostel in the city to recuperate and rest for a few days and try to figure out what I was supposed to do next. I was there for 3 days total and during that time I came to the conclusion that even though i didn't trust that Whisper as much as i used to, I really had no other choice but to trust. If I couldn't communicate with God or if He didn't actually speak to me I would be utterly lost. I have never felt so needy, desperate, or dependent on him in all my life. I needed him! So I had to go with the Word that says, "My sheep hear my voice." Even though i didn't feel it or see it. It had to be true.
So during the 3 days I tried to enjoy my time as best as possible and to enjoy the city as well. I also spent the time emailing YWAM bases and friends all over Europe to find a place to stay while I got visa stuff sorted out. The only people to get back to me right away were two of my friends Dan and Carolyn Buck who are staffing the YWAM base in Burtigny, Switzerland which is 25 min or so from Geneva. They told me it was perfect time to come as they were in between discipleship training schools at the moment. I went online and saw that there was 1 ticket left from Malaga to Geneva on the last flight for a week. It was $100 cheaper than all the others and it was a 2 hour direct flight and all the others were 12 hours or so. It was like God saved this ticket for me. So i bought it and the next afternoon was off to Switzerland!
Once I arrived Dan graciously met me at the airport and once we arrived at the base he told me that he and his wife had been prayer and God told them to give me 300 Swiss-francs (ruffly $315)! He showed me the bases 24-7 prayer room and the view of the alps and Lake Geneva. They also had toiletries, clothes, gloves and hat, and Swiss chocolate waiting for me! God is so faithful! I know I am supposed to be here, but am still figuring out why exactly. If nothing else it is a place to escape and meet with him much more than I have in the past few months. The last week has been the craziest of my life. I have never (in my Christian walk) been so broken, weak, helpless, lost, and full of doubt. But it was that they tested me and drew me into even deeper trust in Him. And it also was what has made the incredible provision and blessing of the last few days seem that much greater. I don't want to hide my weakness...i am so so very weak and broken, but I also can't help but boast in his goodness, faithfulness, and the perfection of His plans. He is always faithful, no matter what our circumstances say.
SO, that is how I have ended up here in Switzerland. And it is here that I shall remain until my visa stuff is sorted or until the Lord directs otherwise. Thank you for all who have read to the end. I know it was a long one but I felt it all necessary. I love you all so very much and miss you terribly. Thank you for being in my life and supporting me! I would love to Skype or receive emails to hear about things on your end or to explain things on my end further. Bless you guys!
Recap of the Last 4 months:
I moved to London on Sept. 15th 2011 a word of the Lord given in August of 2010. I moved for an undetermined amount of time with the only reason for my going was I was going so that I would know Him even more. He told me that I was to go and not ask for anything but to pray for everything. Before I left i was given a total of $1000. So I left with that, a ticket, a passport, and two suitcases intending to stay at least until the Olympics in the summer of 2012. This of course is impossible. You can't live in London for even a month on $1000 and tourist visas only last 6 months max. But an impossible situation is usually a set up for a miracle or a series of miracles!
When I arrived in London I knew two people in the city and they graciously let me stay in their living room until i got my feet on the ground. I dealt with loneliness and homesickness immediately but knew that i had two options, i could either sulk or i could worship in spite of my circumstances. I found a church that met on Friday nights called Kingdom Faith London, and they quickly welcomed me in and became a life line to me in the city. Also the Panes', the parents of the two people i was living with, live on the southern coast of England in the country in a beautiful house. I went to visit and they are now like a second family to me here. They told me i was welcome to come anytime and thus their place became my retreat center from city life from time to time.
Within the first few weeks my money was running low and i became really stingy. I would pass the poor and starving on the streets but would tell God that I couldn't help them because I was poor too! Also when i would go out for meals with people I wouldn't order anything and people would just end up feeling sorry for me or something and buy me my lunch. Then the Lord really convicted me that this was not the Kingdom. He gently rebuked me and said, What you are trying to do is impossible whether you are stingy or wildly generous...so why not be a blessing if you have to choose one of the two. I repented and started to live generously and this felt so right and was actually kind of exciting and fun! And it was right as i made that switch that the provision started to come in! I only had enough money for a month at most and I have lived there for over three and a half! It would take too long to tell of each story of God's provision but here are a few to give you an idea.
- I needed a bike, prayed, three days later a guy at church approached me and told me he wanted to give me his brand new mountain bike!
- After a month in the living room of my friends flat I felt like i might over-stay my welcome and knew i was supposed to leave but didn't have anywhere to live. Three days before i was to move out I was given a five bedroom house complete with baby grand piano and a garden in back. (to see the house http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=C3CuqEf6L8U)
- I have never run out of food
- I have had enough money for transportation to get everywhere i needed to go
How I have spent my time:
I have been interning on a worship initiative for the Olympics called London's Burning (see promo video http://www.londonsburning2012.
Current Happenings and Whereabouts:
Over Christmas I got a real treat! Two of my good friends Hannah and Alison came to visit me for the holidays! We had a great time in London seeing the sights, then headed down to the Southern Coast to have Christmas with the Panes family in Dorset. Now, at the end of December my visa was going to expire so I had to leave the country and then come back in to renew it. So after Christmas we flew to Malaga, Spain on the coast of the Mediterranean. Had a restful time there and then flew back to the UK.
Now when I checked in late Oct. the visa laws said that if you were just volunteering you could enter the country just like a tourist so long as you didn't receive any money. I felt like i should be honest about my time in the UK and so I told them that I was just going to volunteer, gave them all the necessary paperwork and expected to walk in right after Hannah and Alison...but I didn't. Unbeknownst to me, in Nov. the visa law had changed so that even if you were volunteering, you had to have a work visa. I supposed I should have checked it again but it also didn't occur to me that it would change. So I was denied entry into the UK. My heart sank.
The rule is you have to be sent from where you flew in from so I was booked a one-way back to Malaga. The only problem was, the earliest flight was the next morning. They told me i wasn't a prisoner but the had to keep me in custody and they had nowhere else to put me so I spent New Year's Eve in a high security detention center for international criminals. It was so surreal. I was having a hard time processing what was happening. The next day I was shipped to Malaga. One side note was I told the girls to grab my bag for me but because they took it beyond a certain point to wait for me (i didn't think of this) they were not able to get my bag back to me, so I arrived in Malaga with no money left, the clothes on my back, my computer that didn't work in the airport, and my Bible and journal. I had no idea what to do.
After some thought I felt that I should email my parents and let them know and ask them what to do because any money I spent from that point on would be theirs because even though God had provided everything I needed up until that point, it looked like he had failed (later I would go on to remember that neither His character nor faithfulness are determined by our circumstance, but are determined by His Word...and the Word says that He is flawless.)
Doubt hit me really hard as I emailed my parents, doubt about my calling, and my ability to hear God, and about His provision. I told my parents it was their call what I did because it was their money. I assumed that they would have me come back (which i was secretly hoping because it would mean comfort, familiarity, and friends/family and the fact that i just really missed home.) But they replied that they believed in me and that I should stick it out and that they would help pay for whatever i needed! I was shocked. Not because they aren't generous (they are some of the most generous i know!) but because I thought i had failed and everyone would see that. It was the most encouraging thing to hear that in spite of everything, they still believed in me and in my calling to the UK!
So after that boost, i prayed about what i should do. I felt that I was supposed to try again to get back into the UK and that I was to book a flight that night and that this time I would get in. Struggling, I pushed aside my many doubts and bought the ticket and was headed back to the UK. Once at the border again, I explained that I was just visiting and really just wanted to get my bags and say goodbye to my two friends. They saw the black X on my passport and started to grill me. I told them that i really wasn't that desperate to volunteer and that i wouldn't do any, i just wanted to grab my bags and go, but they said that while they weren't calling me a liar, it was still possible for me to quickly to volunteer at the church...so i was denied again. I was shattered.
I could have sworn that I heard God say go back! So once again I was shipped back to Malaga, this time, thankfully, bypassing the detention center. I arrived, exhausted, broken, humbled, discouraged, and doubting more than ever that I could hear God's voice. I didn't know what to do next but I decided that I would check into a hostel in the city to recuperate and rest for a few days and try to figure out what I was supposed to do next. I was there for 3 days total and during that time I came to the conclusion that even though i didn't trust that Whisper as much as i used to, I really had no other choice but to trust. If I couldn't communicate with God or if He didn't actually speak to me I would be utterly lost. I have never felt so needy, desperate, or dependent on him in all my life. I needed him! So I had to go with the Word that says, "My sheep hear my voice." Even though i didn't feel it or see it. It had to be true.
So during the 3 days I tried to enjoy my time as best as possible and to enjoy the city as well. I also spent the time emailing YWAM bases and friends all over Europe to find a place to stay while I got visa stuff sorted out. The only people to get back to me right away were two of my friends Dan and Carolyn Buck who are staffing the YWAM base in Burtigny, Switzerland which is 25 min or so from Geneva. They told me it was perfect time to come as they were in between discipleship training schools at the moment. I went online and saw that there was 1 ticket left from Malaga to Geneva on the last flight for a week. It was $100 cheaper than all the others and it was a 2 hour direct flight and all the others were 12 hours or so. It was like God saved this ticket for me. So i bought it and the next afternoon was off to Switzerland!
Once I arrived Dan graciously met me at the airport and once we arrived at the base he told me that he and his wife had been prayer and God told them to give me 300 Swiss-francs (ruffly $315)! He showed me the bases 24-7 prayer room and the view of the alps and Lake Geneva. They also had toiletries, clothes, gloves and hat, and Swiss chocolate waiting for me! God is so faithful! I know I am supposed to be here, but am still figuring out why exactly. If nothing else it is a place to escape and meet with him much more than I have in the past few months. The last week has been the craziest of my life. I have never (in my Christian walk) been so broken, weak, helpless, lost, and full of doubt. But it was that they tested me and drew me into even deeper trust in Him. And it also was what has made the incredible provision and blessing of the last few days seem that much greater. I don't want to hide my weakness...i am so so very weak and broken, but I also can't help but boast in his goodness, faithfulness, and the perfection of His plans. He is always faithful, no matter what our circumstances say.
SO, that is how I have ended up here in Switzerland. And it is here that I shall remain until my visa stuff is sorted or until the Lord directs otherwise. Thank you for all who have read to the end. I know it was a long one but I felt it all necessary. I love you all so very much and miss you terribly. Thank you for being in my life and supporting me! I would love to Skype or receive emails to hear about things on your end or to explain things on my end further. Bless you guys!
UK Update # 5: The Holidays!
This Christmas I recieved an amazing gift...Two of my dear friends from Holland, MI came to visit me for the holidays! Hannah Pittsley and Alison Corso came over for 2 lovely weeks. While they were here we got to do some sightseeing in London for a few days and then headed down to Dorset to spend Christmas with the Panes family! Apart for some allergies we all had a really nice time, and it was so good to be in a home with family for the holidays. After that we headed to Spain so I could renew my visa and we could all get some sun and warmth. More about Spain in the next blog, but for now here is a clip of how we spent Christmas Eve :)
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